by, Renee Wood
Working with mostly young people now, Floris and I are starting to get the vibe that we are being seen as “there’s something wrong with us being ‘ok’” under situations, mainly the direct workforce crisis, because we choose to embrace the discomfort, rather than dull it with pharmaceuticals. Of course, these situations surrounding lack of care can cause much stress and anxiety. Even though at times there’s not much we can do about our situation, we see the cause (lack of care in home), which leads to the effect of anxiety, as normal – a natural reaction to the situation. Many young people seem bewildered why we choose the emotional distress when there’s medicines that can relieve this. These people our essentially saying, “It’s not ok, for you to be ok with the discomfort of emotions”.
To us, this emotional discomfort is not a “mental health” issue, but the anxiety is a natural emotion that comes from an unfortunate situation imposed on us by the way society is today. We see “anxiety” as necessary and even helpful to be cognizant with heightened awareness to survive the situation the best we can. Anxiety has a purpose, as well as other uncomfortable emotions. They are meant to help us be aware of our situation and either change things to make it better, or use our survival skills until society changes.
Mental health issues come into play only when one can’t pinpoint the cause of the emotions – your life doesn’t seem to have reason for these particular emotions, or you don’t understand the purpose of uncomfortable emotions, which in essence are meant to effect some type of change to get you out of the predicament or situation. Or these natural uncomfortable emotions get out of control and are no longer able to push towards making positive changes in your life, or in society. Then it can be a chemical imbalance that may need therapeutic treatment.
However, American society today jumps too quickly to pharmaceuticals to dull the pain of emotions, rather than understanding their purpose and using them to move our life, and/or society, in a positive direction. With no “fire”, a car won’t move, especially when continuously pouring water on it! You should only pour water on it when that “fire” is outside that engine and is no longer doing what it was intended – move the car. However, one has to be taught the mechanics of driving a car properly, else they may be using the brake when they should be using the gas, therefore, they earnestly think something is wrong. We don’t do a good job in explaining ALL emotions have equal purpose and the reason for each, and ways to utilize our emotions properly to solve or cope with problems.
Did you ever find yourself attracted or drawn to someone knowing full-well that you’re falling for them, and yet feel uncomfortable because that’s not the direction you planned – it just happened? Yet, how many would run for treatment for the “discomfort” of falling in love? It’s true, we need to process it and decide where we want that to go, but somehow we don’t see the “discomfort” of falling in love as something “wrong” because we’ve been taught that that discomfort is a good thing, unless you’re always falling in love with assholes, then you might have to process why that is. Why have we been taught the discomfort from anxiety is “bad” and the uncomfortableness of falling in love is good when you don’t know where either will lead you to? Even depression can stem from loss, which means you feel enough to care about something, which is actually good to care, but it’s a risk of pain if you lose what you cared deeply about. The loss may never be replaced or come back, so we grieve. Our tears serve to heal what we cannot understand, or have no control over. Tears of grief is exhausting, but in exhausting ourselves, we are letting go, emptying ourselves and on the way to natural acceptance of the loss. The brain doesn’t forget that which we lost, but new memories distance us from the overwhelming pain so we can live life again. It’s very important not to give medication too long to those who are grieving because they get “stuck” reliving that loss over and over, therefore they can’t move on to creating new memories of life now. Tears, and natually creating new memories helps the person to move on, not forgetting, but creating something new.
Grief and depression, although they have similar characteristics, science has found are very different and occur in different areas of the brain. Depression is a sense of hopelessness and lack of control over one’s life, environment and purpose for being. I call “anxiety” depression’s hope. It should be no surprise that the two often work in tandem, whereas depression is looking to give up, anxiety is anticipating the next thing, and therefore is on heightened alert on how to handle it. I worry more about those who are depressed with no signs of anxiousness. If there is no chemical imbalance found for someone’s long-term depression, then I guarantee you there is an ongoing situation that is oppressing the person, perpetuating a lack of control, robbing them of a sense of individual purpose, and causing their hopelessness!
Who might be in these situations? Victims of sexual, physical or emotional abuse. People who are forced into a war, killing and maiming others. People who are slaves, indentured servants, or sold into the sex trade. I would also include in these extremes, many people with Developmental Disabilities who from day 1, have historically been institutionalized, or in some way, have been controlled by, and the responsibility (owned by) of others. There is no organic reason why a vast multitude of people with DD take medication for depression/anxiety and behavioral issues, other than they have no hope in controlling their destiny in life. Also, some elderly residing in nursing homes, robbed of everything familiar they have built over their life, shoved in a 12 X 16 cell, because of the crime of needing assistance now. Their lifelong savings paying for them to be under the regime of strangers to maintain basic needs that sustain life, without having a life. Many elderly in nursing homes are on anti-depressants for what the system classifies as “inability to adjust”, better known as; “I was fucking forced here against my will”!
In the lesser extreme, but just as devastating, there are minorities treated as second class citizens that no matter how they try, can’t seem to be treated equally. Young men, worrying about being shot, by some who are ordained to serve and protect, just because of the intrinsic reaction to the pigment of their skin. Children growing up in severely dysfunctional homes. Also, since children have never been instilled with the truth that education is precious, all they know of it is, that they are required (“forced”) to go to school to be babysat, in their view, rather than what education of children was originally intended; being imparted with knowledge, develop critical thinking skills, or be treated as an individual gift that we are entrusted to develop to the fullest potential. These people don’t need medication – they need us to help them change the ills of society.
I recollect a time in my mid-thirties when my best friend died, my romantic partner took off for the missions in Africa, and my mom was dying of brain cancer, all within six months. My entire support system had been swiftly ripped out from underneath me, and I just saw no purpose in living any longer. Life was pure pain and drudgery. I overdosed twice in three weeks determined to end the pain. On my second attempt I wrote a suicide note – the psychiatrist read it – it was mostly about discrimination and how I was exhausted of living in a world that truly didn’t want me. Rather than helping me fight the injustice, he offered me an antidepressant. I said, “No, I should be depressed in light of this reality”! He said “But you can’t change the wrongs of the world, so you might as well take these so you can live in it”. I said, “Wait, you’re admitting its’ wrong how I’m being treated by people (society), but I need the medicine”? He said, “Yeah, you can’t change the world”! I told him where to put his “happy pills”! I guess reality started to dawn on me that essentially no one really gave a damn if I lived or not, so I had to learn how to deal and cope with injustice and discrimination the best I could – and we know how that turned out.
As you can see there are many reasons in today’s society that cause people to naturally be depressed and anxious. In past history there’s always been things that made people anxious and sometimes even depressed (getting eaten by lions, tigers or bears. Famines, inclement weather without appropriate shelter, tribal warfare, etc.), the difference is, families used to talked and prepared for these. Society today, in my opinion, doesn’t talk enough about, or plan for the possible things can cause hardships in today’s world. We, as society, now have classified those conversations as “negative thinking”, or creating “negative energy”, but nothing could be further from the truth! It actually prepares us to handle hardships when they come, and they WILL come, in one form or another, whether we choose to talked about it, or not. Preparing by talking about the eventualities of hardships i.e. “bad things happening” to us, doesn’t cause them to occur, but only serve to lessen the shock, and therefore, when they do occur, we will have less anxiety. It may still be unfair and emotionally painful, but at least we have some idea in our head how we can possibly survive it without falling into hopelessness from the start.
Medication will not solve the problems that bring uncomfortable, naturally occurring emotions, but being sober, aware and embracing these emotions will move you from the darkness into the light. Your situation in one way or another, once you accept your emotions and use them, will help you move. For me and my family; “It’s ok, to be ok, with the discomfort of our emotions”. There is nothing wrong with us just because we choose not to medicate ourselves, and feel the good emotions, as well as the bad.
Renee's Ramblings 